Saturday, August 1, 2009

Burn that coffee for me!

I am sitting here pondering the prose in my blog, feeling moderately uncomfortable about the spelling errors and syntax problems that I have let slip in and yet not feeling poorly enough to push the edit button and repair them.

I see the errors as indicators of character, akin to the stress marks people put on fake antiques, whipping them with motorcycle chains and kicking them with cork boots, to make them look old, rather than new. I look old and let me tell you it isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Given my choice, I would prefer to resemble the furniture, before the motorcycle chains, but then that is a subject for a different rant.

I was also thinking about Starbucks coffee, as I sip at a big yellow mug full of Tim Hortons coffee. I was thinking about how the people who roast the coffee beans for Starbucks must feel everyday. Could there be any job satisfaction roasting the coffee beans for Starbucks. Get up every morning, take the bus to the coffee bean roasterium and load up the roaster dealy bop with the finest coffee beans. Well, maybe not the finest, because apparently, those are the beans made from beans that have been ingested by some animal, pigs I think, then harvested from the poop, roasted and then savoured, by some flake who thinks drinking roast pig poop is the way to drink coffee.

Anyway, there he is roasting away with the almost best coffee beans. When they look really good, he takes some out, grinds them up on the spot and makes a cup of coffee to test the flavour. MMMMmmmmm this is good coffee . . . it is even good enough for Tim Hortons, it is so good. OK! Turn up the oven and roast those beans another 2 hours and they will be burned enough for Starbucks coffee.

What Starbucks does to innocent, wholesome, coffee beans is criminal. There ought to be a law against making great coffee beans into burned up Starbucks shrivel beans! There is so much wrong with the world, it would be so simple to make one thing at least, right. Starbucks, turn down the heat! Pull those beans out of the roaster when they look like coffee! Do this and Starbucks could make a cup of java almost as good as Tim Hortons coffee. Well, almost as good.

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